Review for WWE/ECW December to Dismember, December 3, 2006, Augusta, Georgia
WWE/ECW’s first regular PPV. We all know it’s a disaster, but is it bad as its reputation? Let’s find out.
Hosted by Joey Styles & Tazz
MNM vs The Hardy Boyz
First “we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing” moment as we’re opening with a match from guys who aren’t even on ECW, and it was one of the only two advertised matches! Matt and Mercury start and it’s a stalemate. Hardys control the early going with some double teaming. Jeff tries a jawbreaker on Nitro but gets kneed in the head. Double teaming in the corner follows. Mercury gets 2. Nitro in with a neckbreaker but misses a standing shooting star. Matt gets the tag and hits Mercury with a Splash Mountain bomb. Melina trips up Matt and Matt’s anger issues against women surface. He chases her off but runs into a Mercury lariat, and that makes him your face in peril. MNM does Poetry in Motion. They try for the Twist of Fate/Swanton, but Matt shoves Mercury into the ropes. Hot tag to Jeff. Matt clears Mercury out with a pescado. Nitro won’t be outdone and hits a no hands plancha, and Jeff finishes that sequence with a dive from the top. Back in, the Hardyz hit Poetry in Motion for real, but Nitro saves Mercury from the Swanton and hits Jeff with a springboard missile dropkick. They send Jeff into the turnbuckle and Mercury goes to a surfboard, and then they send him into the corner again. Jeff continues to get worked over. He tries a sunset flip, but Nitro makes a blind tag. Rollup by Mercury gets 2 and gets sent to the floor. Seems like time for a tag but nope, Mercury smartly gets Matt into a brawl while Nitro drags Jeff back to the corner again. Finally, Jeff comes back with the Whisper in the Wind in the corner to take out both of MNM, and it’s hot tag to Matt. Matt cleans house and hits his signature spots. They set up for something off the top but Mercury helps Nitro counter into a rana for 2. Nitro goes up, as does Mercury, and soon it’s a double superplex spot that leaves Jeff and Nitro alone. Melina distracts the ref, Nitro accidentally knocks her off the apron and gets rolled up for 2. MNM comes back with the Snapshot on Jeff for 2, but Matt saves. Matt gets tossed and they put Jeff on top for a top rope Snapshot, but Matt brings them both down with a double cutter, and Jeff hits them with a swanton to finish Nitro at 22:36.
This was quality tag team wrestling. It actually was a bit long as it dragged a bit at times, but no real complaints to be had here (outside of Melina’s annoying screaming), this was an excellent old school formula tag team match. (***3/4)
RVD interviews himself, asking and answering his own questions.
Matt Striker vs Balls Mahoney
This is a Striker’s Rules match, which means no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no moves off the top rope and no bad language. So, basically, Bill Watts rules (except the last one). Striker pounds away to start. Balls tries a leapfrog but blows it. He takes Striker down with a cross armbreaker. Strikes bails and attacks on the way back in. Balls charges but hits post. Striker starts working on the arm. He pulls the hair to show his hypocrisy. He keeps working the arm. Balls slugs back. Sideslam gets 2. He goes up but Striker brings him down. Rolling armbar and Balls goes to the ropes. He makes the comeback and backdrops Striker, and a spinebuster gets the pin at 7:24.
Huh? What was that finish? This was set up for a cheap Striker win and they ended it like that? Well, whatever, no one cared anyway. Balls wasn’t much more than a brawler and this took him out of the only type of match he can work. (1/4*)
Someone attacked Sabu and he’s out of the match. Maybe it was Rikishi. I have no idea why they made that decision, I was never a Sabu fan, in fact I thought he was the shits (even in his prime, which he was well passed here), but the fans would’ve preferred to see him in the match and immediately eliminated than not see him at all.
Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs. The FBI
FBI get in some offense early on Burke, but Terkay comes in and overpowers them. Guido plays face in peril. Nothing interesting happens unless Terkay blowing basic spots is interesting. Hot tag to Marmeluke. FBI gives Burke a double flapjack. Terkay saves and Burke finishes with the The Stroke at 6:41. After the match Terkay hits a muscle buster while the announcers pretend not to know the name of it.
Very boring and filled with Terkay unable to competently do simple spots. Didn’t fulfill its purpose either, which was to get the heels over by squashing the smaller guys. (DUD)
Daivari vs Tommy Dreamer
Great Khali is with Daivari, and Daivari hides behind him right away before sneaking in and attacking Dreamer. Dreamer gets a hiptoss and Daivari runs away again. Back in, Daivari gets a dropkick and then follows with a baseball slide, but Dreamer whips him into the railing. Khali nails him and the ref sends him back to the dressing room. Back in, Daivari goes to a chinlock. Dreamer fights out but Daivari gets a sleeper. Dreamer fights out and slugs away. Inverted DDT gets 2. Dreamer charges and meets elbow, which allows Daivari to go up and miss a bodypress. Dreamer hangs him in a tree of woe and dropkicks him. Daivari gets a rollup out of nowhere with a handful of tights to finish at 7:23. After the match Khali comes back and chokeslams Dreamer on the ramp, who cares.
Stupid finish to a terrible and heatless match. Next. (DUD)
Paul Heyman offers Hardcore Holly Sabu’s spot in the main event. The crowd is not amused.
Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly v. Kevin Thorn & Ariel
I have no idea who the faces and who the heels are supposed to be, and neither does the crowd, apparently. Knox hits a clothesline and pounds away on Thorn. Thorn gets his own clothesline to make them even. Tazz and Joey have given up already and just babble about whatever comes to their mind. This is mostly just clotheslines and pounding away. Thorn tags Ariel in, so Knox has to tag Kelly in. That actually gets some crowd excitement, until they have to wrestle. Ariel chokes her in the corner and Kelly can’t even pretend to be choked properly, and she doesn’t know when to sell shots from Ariel. She fights over to tag Knox, but he walks away from the match. Kelly is so terrible I can’t really blame him. That leaves Ariel to finish Kelly off with an STO slam at 7:41. Sandman attacks Thorn after the match to set up another meaningless feud.
Thorn and Knox were terrible enough, and then Kelly came in and she might be the worst wrestler in recorded history. First negative star match of the show, I had to wait longer than expected, so there’s that. (-**)
EXTREME ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH FOR THE ECW TITLE: Big Show vs Rob Van Dam vs Hardcore Holly vs Test vs Bobby Lashley vs CM Punk
Holly and RVD start. Rob slugs away, but gets whipped onto the walkway. He misses a dive at Holly and clotheslines himself on the ropes. Holly sends him into the chains and goes up. RVD gets the foot up. He follows with a rolling thunder over the top but Holly suplexes him back into the ring for 2. CM Punk is next in. He springboards in with a clothesline on RVD, but gets hit with a chair and monkey flipped onto it. Punk ducks a spinkick and legdrops RVD onto the chair. He puts the chair in the corner and sends Rob into it, but goes after Holly and gets sent into the chains outside. Back in, sideslam gets 2 for Holly. Holly suplexes Punk on the top rope and turns his attention back to RVD, but then superplexes Punk, which allows RVD to sneak in and get 2. Holly gets 2 himself. Test is in next with a crowbar. Punk takes more abuse. Rob keeps fighting. He superkicks Holly and gives Test a weak chairshot, then dropkicks the chair at Punk. Punk is looking like quite the jobber here. Frog splash gets rid of Punk, and that royaly fucks off the crowd. Test boots Holly for 2, but Holly disappears so I guess that was a pin? Rob hits Test with a dropkick and goes up on top of a pod, but Test hits him with a chair and bring him down the hard way. Test also goes up onto the pod and drops an elbow to finish Rob. And if you thought the crowd were pissed off before, that’s nothing. Lashley is in next with a table, but the heels prevent him from entering. Lashley comes in via the top of the pod and goes after Test. He whips into the pods but Test comes back with a choke in the corner. Lashley boots a chair back at him and clotheslines him around. Spear finishes him off. And we just stand around and wait for the Big Show to come in, why even bother? Just open it already. Big Show finally enters with his barbed wire baseball bat. He tries to murder Lashley with it but he blocks it with a chair. Show gets his bat caught in the chains and loses it. Lashley sends him through the pod’s “glass” and Show starts bleeding, but he tosses Lashley back into the ring to take over. Clothesline and chokeslam, but Lashley reverses into the DDT. They slug it out and Show misses a charge, and Lashley spears him for the pin and the title at 24:47.
The match itself wasn’t that bad, though nothing main event worthy. The booking was a disaster, completely tone deaf and braindead. There was no overcoming it. They took Sabu out earlier in the show, pissing off the crowd. CM Punk was treated like a jobber, pissing them off even more. And then, RVD was also eliminated early as well to finish off the job. Show could barely move and Lashley was never put in any peril. I guess the idea was the have Lashley vs all of Heymans goons but it didn’t work. (**)
For a show with such a bad reputation, it’s really just a lackluster and pointless show from a company that was specializing in them at the time. The booking was a disaster on just about every level. They had a thin roster that couldn’t support a full PPV, so what did they do? Threw their 6 biggest names into the main event instead of spreading the roster out. And they had to import the Hardys and MNM, who weren’t even on the brand, for one of the only two promoted matches. Had those two matches delivered, I might’ve even given this a pity thumbs up, but only the tag match did and the main event was a booking disaster. The real ECW put on some shitty PPVs when they were alive, and WWE kept the tradition going here by being even worse. Easy thumbs down.